I am talking about my Mister Sir Fudge Esq!!! If you haven't met him yet, get your damn asses up and find out about him!!! I'm talking this way, because it fits Mister Fudge. He is a very unique kitty (and he will hate me for calling him a kitty, but to me, every cat is a kitty), as, for God's sake, he likes to swear and loves his booze!!! A lot of booze... But most of all, he hates hugging or kissing!!! When I wanted to give him a *nose tap* he asked me "ARE YOU NUTS???" So, he strongly refuses to be a part of our hugging-community on Twitter and #Pawcircles are disgusting him, he thinks they're just to fit human needs and for their boohoo!
Isn't he lovely??? Yes, he is!!! Believe me, Mister Fudge has a BIG heart!!! He is a Miesepeter (as we call someone very grumpy in German), but he is a nice one!!! Before Christmas he put on a Santa hat, because I was indignant at his lack of Christmas spirit!!! He did it just for me even though it caused him pain!!! Pain??? Pure agony!!! Okay, he kept posing with a Vodka bottle, while wearing the Santa hat, but that's Mister Fudge!!! And when I came out as his Rudi, it brought tears to his eyes, and he was not afraid to confess it to me!!! He is a kitty riot, he brings the action to Twitter, cause he might be a rather inconvenient fellow to some on there!!! But he doesn't care, he just keeps swearing his ass off, grumbling about #Pawcircles!!! But he does it with a wink and a smile...
That's why I love my Mister Fudge!!! He might be vain, he might be grumpy, but he's honest and never fishing for compliments too!!! Never??? ... Okay, let's say never!!! And I know for sure about his hearty side!!! He is from Austrian origin and he has a favour for Sissi, the Austrian empress!!! I don't know, if you all know her, but there are movies about her life and they're so corny IT HURTS!!! And now imagine that old Miesepeter watching his Sissi dvds, while having a whole bottle of Scotch, keeping on swearing like a bluff sailor tattooer!!! I'm sure that one day, Sissi will open his heart and he will be ready for a hugging orgy!!!
But how did it come to the name "Meerschwein Extraordinaire"??? I don't know why, but in some way Mister Fudge shows me a lot of respect!!! He strongly believes he's better than me, as I'm just a little piggy. And believe me, he won't refuse to tell me so... But he takes my advice and often leaves me more than surprised about it!!! That means a lot to me, as you know, Mister Fudge is a very honest kitty and not scared of being uncomfortable!!! And he gives me names, that show his respect for me. He often calls me Graf Schnille von Meerschweinstein, which is a rather blown up name, as Graf is an Earl, but Mister Fudge loves aristocracy and anything with an intellectual touch!!! Guess why he calls himself an Esquirer??? But he also started calling me a Meerschwein (guinea pig) extraordinaire, which might be blown up too, but it's unique - just like Mister Fudge!!!
Now everybody, swear the hell out of it and meet Mister Fudge, he won't bite you!!! Won't he...???
Dear Graf Schnille von Meerschweinstein,
ReplyDeleteThis post had me laughing my f*cking arse off! r You know, I was seriously thinking of winding down my blog and twitter presence, but you've made me realize how much of an irritating arsehole I am. It takes a lot of courage and talent to be an arsehole you know, it doesn't just happen.
I've therefore resolved to remain and be even more entsetzlich (appalling).
Re our dear Austrian icon Sissi, as an Austrian I have nothing but great respect for the Sissi series, as nauseatingly kitsch as it is. But as an Austrian, it's permitted to me to sit there drunk groaning "Oh f*ck no" and rolling my eyes, but for a Meerschwein to say these things... well, under the days of our beloved Habsburgs, you would have had your little piggy arse removed with a meat cleaver...I blame the Iron Chancellor for your uppityness...
I would like to correct one thing: your Rudy did not bring the tears to my eyes, it brought the vomit to my throat.
But for all that, I can't tell you how proud I am that you've adopted the title "Meerschwein Extraordinaire" It really suits you somehow, but really, Herr Scnille, in future, do not mistake my aristocratic condescension for respect. You are piggy, I am cat (not a f*cking kitty) there can be no question of equality between us.
Thank you and Cheers Sir on a job well done, you really made my day x
My sides are hurting from laughing soooo much. Yup - dats our SirFudge.
ReplyDeleteMeerschwein Extraordinaire
ReplyDeleteLove this piece as everything you say in it is true!
Trust SirFudge to have a blog entry dedicated to him HA!
I love him and agree twitter would be a rather dull place without him
but as he has decided to honor us with his company for longer all I can
say is
Fasten your seatbelts it's gonna be a bumpy ride!!!! enjoy!
Lady Bonessa
Well, you nailed that one! Somehow you really got that "Fudge Vibe" and why I love him so! and I laughed too!
ReplyDeleteThat would be parrisreddog (above as Jenah!)
ReplyDeleteMookie I furballed with laughing so much - esp when you said asses!
ReplyDeleteYou nailed Fudgenstein totally - such a funny post.
Psst you gotta kiss from him at the end of his comment. Lookout he'll be hugging you in #pawcircles soon